Routine: Part One

While driving home from class all Shawn could think about was food. He was starving, class had lasted all night and he just wanted to go home. Having a late class is the worst he thought. Being in a crowded muggy room, where to the left is a foreign student who still hasn’t grasped the concept of deodorant, and to the right somebody is chewing gum with their mouths open. So instead of hearing what the professor is trying to teach you, all you hear is the “chomp-chomp” of the gum.
I took a look at the clock and I was only in there for twenty minutes. The class is so long that the professor gives us a break in the middle but a bag of chips just doesn’t cut it after another hour and a half. On the ride home all I could think about was eating. I thought about stopping at the finest fast food dining structure but I figured I would just save my dollar and eat at home. Then I remembered that my girl would be at my house because she had to write her paper.
I decided to call her to see if I could sweet talk her into cooking me something to eat when I got home. She knows that I think it’s the sexiest thing to see a woman cooking. Plus we had a pretty bad fight that was kind of her fault so maybe she’ll already have something made when I walk in.
As I walked in my apartment, ready for the tantalizing embraces of the smell of something, maybe fried chicken, or her chicken casserole with mounds of cheese that suffocated the roasted pieces of chicken that she would hand slice. Then, she would crumble the bread crumbs over top to give a delicate crunch. Shit, I was hoping for something. Anything! And as usual there was nothing. The thought of having nothing to eat after I drove past countless number of famous eateries made my stomach growl, it growled so hard that it gave me a sick light-headed feeling. I immediately felt a wave of frustration topple over me, if I would have let my stomach control me, like my penis tries, I would have gone to her and cussed her out. Hopeful thinking lead to think that maybe she had left something in the oven or the refrigerator. Once again, there was nothing.
“Cynthia, did you fix something to eat?’ She bet not dare say no I thought. After all I had done for this girl in the past.
“Opps, I forgot my bad!” A deep breath passed through my lungs easing my frustration. Now, I have two options. I can either go in there cuss her out, or I can just leave it alone. Before I can finish my thoughts of what to do, she rushes in.
“Hey baby, how was class, and did you miss me?”
She came in trying to be nice and make me forget about the fact that I was hungry. I was irritated though.
“Baby, calm down, I’m tired and hungry.” I said slightly irritated.
This was the one thing that got on my nerves the most. She knew I was mad at her, so now she wants to try to kill me with kindness. There was nothing she could do this time; I was just way too hungry. Me knowing how she is, she’s going to get upset and depressed claiming that I’m being mean to her and that I don’t care.
Without any delay, just like clockwork, “why are you so mean to me?” Just hearing the words come out of her mouth made a nerve twitch in the side of my neck. “You always act like this when I try to be nice to you.” Now once again, I was at a cross-road, where I could both be nice, and try to gain her affection again, or I could be an asshole and just act as if I don’t care.
“If you were trying to be nice you would have made me a something to eat.”
I felt my blood pressure building as I kept talking to her. “That shit was salty. I told you how hungry and how tired I was. I’m just not in the mood.”
“You’re never in the mood; you ain’t nothing but an old man. I’m bout to find me somebody who knows how to have fun.” Folding her arms cutting her eyes away from me, but I must admit that she was a little sexy with the attitude.
All I could do was just stand there looking at the bottle of miracle whip which was near empty, and the cheese that I had just laid out on the counter. Everything in me wanted to come back at her but instead I just decided to ignore her. I figured that the bigger than to do. I was in no mood to argue especially on an empty stomach.
“Oh, so you don’t care if I want to find another man?”
“No, I actually don’t.” Her comment triggered the asshole to emerge. “Cyn, I am not about to argue with you tonight, actually not ever. I’m done with all the arguing with you tonight. Shit ever, ok?”
“You want me to leave? If you don’t want me here just say so.”
I never understood how she would always jump from one point of the argument to the next extreme. “No, you’re fine, I just don’t feel like arguing with you anymore, but you are more than welcome to chill and finish your paper.”
“No, what’s wrong with you Shawn.” She had a genuine concerned look on her face. For a minute I almost thought that something was wrong with me until I felt my stomach call again for some food.
“Nothing, I’m just hungry and I really don’t feel like arguing.”
By now I was finally done making my sandwich which had about a pound of ham. As I started walking to the couch to catch the second half of the Lakers game, I felt her eyeing my plate. At this point I really didn’t want to share my sandwich. And of course, as soon as I sat down there she was right next to me.
“How you gonna sit there and eat right in front of me when you know I’m hungry too.” All I could keep thinking was that this bitch could not be serious. “Don’t you have a paper to write, and you never said you were hungry.” I knew this was coming; everything in me was just ready to explode.
“Baby, there is plenty of food in there, would you like something,” trying to use her tactics of killing madness with kindness.
“You always so selfish, you only think about your damn self, how you know I wasn’t hungry, huh? I’m tired of this shit! I try so hard Shawn, too hard. I don’t deserve this. All I want is for you to stop thinking about yourself; I mean damn, I have needs too!”
While she continued to go on her tyrant I began to eat my sandwich which was calling my name. I tried to give a rebuttal but I still had food in my mouth and I think that that might have just pushed her over the edge. It didn’t help that I started laughing while I was trying to talk spitting a little bit of my sandwich on the floor. “Baby, I’m really not in the mood to fight.” I tried to get the words out but I was still savoring the first bit.
“You know what, I’m leaving!” She said as she grabbed her coat off the couch.
“Bye babe.” Ignorantly speaking …
“What?” Turning with a shocked face, as if she couldn’t believe what I had said.
“Bye…”
“Shawn, what is wrong with you. I didn’t do anything to you for you to be acting like this.”
At this point I was confused she had all the looks of being genuinely hurt and upset. The only problem was that I couldn’t think of what I did to make her so upset. She just kept standing there waiting for an answer. Everything in me wanted to tell her to go home but I took a good look at her frame and knew exactly why I put up with her shifting attitudes. She always stayed up to date with the current fashions, but I was different then most men. I rather my woman dressed comfortably. A pair of sweats and a t-shirt did for me, what high heels and skirts do for most.
There she was standing there in her full attitude ready to walkout wearing sweats, an old high school t-shirt, and a pair of Jordan’s. I wanted to allow her to leave but she just looked too good standing there.
“Baby, if you want to leave you can, but I would like for you to stay. Plus you got to finish your paper, right?”
“For real, Shawn”
“Yea”
By now I was feeling annoyed, and horny. An awkward combination, I don’t know what it is but when us men get feed, we either get sleepy or we get horny. In this particular case I was horny. I decided to be nice and hopefully this whole ordeal will end with a happy ending!
“Baby, go to my room and finish your paper.” I told her this in the nicest voice possible.
As she walked back to my room, I was able to get reason as to why I love sweat pants. Her booty seem to just prop up and jiggle just enough. Cynthia was a girl with model features. She was a slim girl, one workout away from being skinny but even still she had heart-shaped booty. She had long hair that she would tie into a pony tail perfect for pulling. She was about 5’6’, light skinned with green eyes. She was something out of a magazine. She was perfect!
Well, perfect with her looks, smarts and her savvy, and when I say savvy I mean her lady in the street but a freak in the bed savvy. She knew how to be an elegant lady that you want to take home to mom. Then, when my mother was out of sight she knew how to get a rise out of me.
While my eyes continued to follow Cynthia to my room, I began to finish my sandwich and watch the game. I reached for my phone which was supposed to be on my hip but it was missing. I knew I had it when I came home. “Ahh shit.” I left it on the counter in the kitchen.
I never leave my phone alone especially when Cyn is around. She is notorious for looking through it. I ran to the kitchen and it was gone and all I could think was that Cynthia stole it. I rushed to my room and it was empty. Now, I know she was supposed to be in there because that’s where the computer was and she had a paper to do. I turned around to look at the bathroom and the door was closed.
“Cynthia, what you doing?” I yelled with a bit of anxiety.
“I’m in the bathroom, why?”
“Have you seen my phone?” I was a bit nervous because I knew she had it. Then it hit me. I forgot to erase my text messages. It wasn’t anything bad necessarily in there, just a conversation with my boy, Nate.
Nate was my friend since high school. We took a Spanish class together and ever since we been tight, like a smedium shirt. We always talked and mostly about girls. He would talk about his different one night stands and I would talk about how I’m tired of fighting with Cyn. The particular text message I was worried for Cynthia to see was one where I wrote:
“Dawg, I’m so tired of being in this shit with her. I don’t even want to call it a relationship because all we do is fight. Our fighting-ship is based on make up sex. I love her but I’m not in love with her anymore, I think… “
It was too silent in there and I knew she had my phone. I was worried about the text messages from other girls I might have gotten because anything in there was incriminating. I knew that I couldn’t run from it now so I just sat on the bed and waited for the confrontation that I was going to encounter. When Cyn finally walked out the bathroom she had a sour look on her face. I knew she had read my messages, and I knew she was hurt.
I’m a sucker for tears, and when it comes to Cynthia, if she’s hurt, it hurts me more. I truly did love her but I just couldn’t deal with her antics any longer. I tried to give myself a pep talk before I asked her what was wrong. I ran through all the reason why I was ready to end our relationship. The fighting, the arguing, her not caring about me and my needs, and that I realize that I’m just not ready for a relationship. Something inside me still couldn’t muster up the courage to tell her that I didn’t love her any longer.
“Cyn, what’s wrong?” I already knew what was killing her inside but I figured that I had to start the conversation.
“So, you don’t want to be with me anymore, huh?” She had the front of being mad. Arms crossed, lips pursed, and eyes glaring, straight at my soul. I saw through that, however. I saw the pain and stress in her eyes.
“I’m just tired of all the arguing that we do, we argue about bullshit that has no relevance to none of us.” I tried to sound convincing but it wasn’t working. The steam of the attitude was wearing off and her hurt was starting to show through. That’s when my pep talk with myself went straight to shit. All the courage I tried to build up within myself went straight out the window.
“Cyn, you know I do love and care about you, I just think that…” cutting me off with her snappy wit.
“No, you don’t love and care about me. You never cared Shawn, how can you sit here and say you do when you never even tried to.” I was lost now, the more I tried to explain the more I tried to sugar coat everything. I was starting to feel bad now. I wished she would just say your right we shouldn’t be together and say ok, we can be friends. That was far from happening though.
I had to try to regain my courage so I tried to switch the conversation.
“Wait, why the fuck you stealing my phone and searching through it.” I went from feeling sorry, to feeling salty in a split second. The crazy thing about it was that I got genuinely mad about the shit.
“I wasn’t ready to tell you this shit, that’s why I was talking to Nate about it.”
Stuttering, and losing the upper hand in the argument, “I … I know but still this is how you feel.” She knew that she was wrong and I felt that I had gained the upper hand, so I continued my barrage on her turning it into her fault.
“You talk about how I’m not trying but damn it, I am. That’s the only reason I was talking to him about it so that he could tell me what I could do but you fuck that up now. This is the shit that I be talking about. You know what, I’m done. Finish your paper and leave me alone.”
I stormed out the room ignoring her response. I sat back on the couch still heated. Flipping through the channels I finally rested on a movie. The game was at halftime so there was no point in watching the first half highlights, it wasn’t my team anyway. I’m a Hornets fan. After, relapsing about our argument, I remembered it was my nigga Nate’s birthday. I felt like such a horrible friend. I reached to my holster to call him and again my phone was missing. I rushed back to my room to get it and I ran into Cyn at the doorway. The sight of her instantly made me mad all over again so I just walked past her to look for my phone.
“Cynthia, where the fuck is my phone”
“Don’t cuss at me; I left it in the bathroom.” I grabbed it and sent Nate a text. It was late and I knew he was out kicking it so I figured I wouldn’t bother him now.
“Happy Birthday my nigga, and of course like clockwork me and Cyn back at it”
Right now, it would be great to have a beer I thought. As I was about to get up Cyn came in and sat next to me. “Shawn I need to talk to you.” All I could think was that I’m not about to argue again. If this turns into another argument I’m going to go off.
“I’m sorry, you’re right, for a change” She tried to throw in a little smirk to lighten the situation.
“It aint got shit to do about being right or wrong, I just want you to understand that I do care, and that you can trust me.”
“Shawn, I know baby but you don’t need to run to Nate for everything, talk to me.” She grabbed for my arm placing it in her lap.
“Baby, what can I do to show you that I am truly sorry?” Looking away for a moment, I felt a rise within my region, and she seen it. I gave her a glance up and down. Admiring her full comfortable elegance, plenty of thoughts ran through my mind, and me being the man that I am all I could think about was some great oral relaxation.